Vintage Airplane Nursery Sneak Peak

Spoiled Rotten. No not our sweet baby, Hubs and I. So much of this nursery was gifted, shared, passed down or borrowed.  Precious and thoughtful gifts can be spotted everywhere. 

And he shall be called

BABY D!

I know, I know. You want a name. Golly, we do too! Octavian is not his real name. While awesome, it is simply an alias to use during this process and we do not plan on keeping it.
Don't be sad. I know it is cool.
We do not get to know his given name until we are probably over there.

And we have decided, at least for right now, to hold up.  We have a name that we think we might use, but I really want to know what his given name is first.
He has lost so much.  I want to see if there is a way to give him that connection to his birth family, his country, his heritage. Try to respect any progress in development he is making and if he learning his name I want to celebrate that milestone with him. We might try to use his given name or a version of the name.

That being said........

Some of the names in his country are quite difficult to pronounce, spell, or say.  There is also fear in keeping a difficult or funny name that other children in the US cant say or will laugh at. He needs a name that all of his friends can call out when playing on the playground.  He might even have trouble writing, learning or spelling that name.
I might not be able to pronounce it correctly.
He might not even know his name yet.

This decision is tripping me out.
Names are important.  My first taste of parental responsibility and I am wigging. Shows how ready I am.
I don't want to mess this up before we even get started.

So he is called.......

 Baby D

Lil Peanut

Chunky Monkey

Octorable

Lil Buddy

Lil Dude


Oh and in case you were wondering, I say all of those in my "squeaky voice"

Keep Calm........

via wondermentet.com

Today I am simply linking you up to another adoptive mom who expresses herself better than me. *I know that seems impossible.* She already has her son home now but this is a glimpse back into her journey. A post she wrote along the way that reminds me of where we are at.  I appreciated and related to her heart.

http://wondermentetc.com/2013/01/15/adoption-process-update/

My new job

Bring Home Baby D Central- and remnants of my PBJ from lunch. 

Just reflecting that  leaving my job was all part of God's plan.  Here is my new place of work. It has two locations: Here you see -Bring home Baby D Central, but there is also a mobile unit, AKA the Honda.

Yes- Good eye. That is a cup of coffee next to a diet coke.  I am getting a baby AND I do not have to give up caffeine. HECK YES.
 I sign, scan, email, take a sip of coffee and then do that over again but alternate with the diet coke. Scanning and downloading documents one at a time. Scanning. Scanning. Scanning. 

3 weeks.

3 fast but somehow long, exhilarating but indeed frustrating, weeks.

ONLY 3!

I need to get a hold of myself because adoption is a long process and we have only just began this race.

And I do feel like on some level it is race. Now that I know WHO we are doing this for, every day that goes by I feel like I am racing against time.  The days are winning this race. Another day just sprinted by where I did not get to hold him, love him, cuddle him, play with him, or help him develop. Slow your roll woman. We have many months ahead of us. 

We went to the doctor and found out we are relatively healthy.  HIV, Syphilis, and TB free- Yipee!

We went to the county appraisal office- twice.

We went the Chase bank for mortgage proof.

We went to the church to notarize paperwork.

Found out my passport number on the paperwork was wrong. (Something I probably should have checked pre-notary). 

Church secretary re-notarized everything.

Scanned everything into state-side facilitator.

Found out Jon's issuing passport provider was wrong. (Again Carly.... PROOF READ.)

Went to bank and got paperwork re-notarized.

Scanned new paperwork into facilitator.

Found out the word passport was spelled PASSORT on our documents. (Are you kidding me?-When will I learn.)

Went to a different bank and got paperwork re-notarized.

Scan.

Paper work submitted to our facilitator state-side approved..... feeling good!

Home appraisal form rejected due to lack of address stamp. 

Went back to county appraisals office.

Scan.

Paper work APPROVED from both facilitators. 

Whats Next?

Get an apostille for the documents.

Mom (super glad she is coming) and I will drive to Austin on Monday for a walk in appointment to hand deliver my paper-babies for the Sec of State to provide an apostille for them. When I called the office for more information I learned:

a) I was saying it wrong (embarrassed much). It is pronounced uh-pos-til. I was saying it uh-pos-il. You know, like the 12 apostles. :) She was quick to correct me. 

b) The turn around is 30 mins for a walk in appointment or 10 days -not including mail time- if you mail it in.

Decision made- Walk in it is- my roll will not slow!

And Then:

Mom and I return home to prepare for the Home study Friday June 14.

Plus Summer is OVER > School is back in session.

More paperwork please

I have been kicking "to-do list" booty.
OR that's what I thought until I received an email from the facilitation team today with a crazy load of more paperwork, forms, documents, test, and copies that I need to do and get notarized ASAP so I can then get the apostilled.
APOSTILLED.
Seriously, I did not even know what that meant.
I am now stressed and in a negative funk.
How do I even go about getting some of this done?
 For example:
~ need the signature of a county appraiser and have it notarized.
~ statement of  a bank representative regarding our mortgage and have it notarized.
~ Doctor physicals, (including an HIV/Syphilis test) have it notarized, and include a certified copy of his medical license!!!!
How do I arrange a notary to be there at all these things in case there is not one at their locations? Who is a notary that can be my appointment buddy?
Things just got real and complicated by reading one email.
Thankfully the kind naive lady also listed her phone number. I feel for her. I am going to grant her the holiday weekend and then we are about to become best friends.
And remember that time I wrote about the Life Long commitment of parenting--You betcha I am calling my mom to come up here to help before I have a freak out moment. (hint hint mamacita)
I hate the idea that my lack of effort, my misunderstanding, or my mistakes/delays on paperwork might be slowing down the process of bringing the Baby D home.
My plan right now- Go watch the new season of Arrested Development of Netflix.

This is life to the Full.

Image via Holly Gerth 

Every morning since we made this decision I wake up EXCITED! 

I don't know if it is because I know OUR BABY is out there already or if it is because we are now answering 'yes' when God puts something on our hearts.

But like the Hubs asked, "Why can't it be both?"

Stepping out on Faith.
Family and friends have questions and concerns. I  respect that. That shows me you care and have a heart for me that you don't want to get hurt. I AM GRATEFUL. You guys have a heart that hurts when Jon and I  get hurt.
I have been called to be the heart that will hurt for this little peanut.
I AM HONORED!
Parenting hurts. It is full of risk. Any way you try to slice this apple, heartbreak is inevitable.
And then there is blessing.
Faith.
We did not make this decision thinking- "We are hopeless, we want a child, We... We.... We...."
But rather this was about one thing only:
God put it on our heart.
We inquired about some orphaned children in Eastern Europe with Down Syndrome and we wept. Literally.
And like Nehemiah we prayed that God forgive us our sins and grant us success to help be part of their story of rescue and redemption.
Also like ole Nehemiah we did not tell many people what God put on our heart (Nehemiah 2:12) while we examined the remaining walls. Not just the facts of the situation, children, or agency but more importantly the walls of our heart. We started really listening. AND THE SPIRIT KEPT TALKING. This is where I apologize if you felt left out. We had to pray and answer this calling before we made a decision to tell everyone.

There is a chance we could get burned. There is a chance I will call my mom with a broken heart during this process.And yes,this is a life long change. Let's be honest, this is also an inevitable fact of parenting. When I called my mom broken, 28 years after she brought me home as a baby, and told her I lost my baby, she hurt. She cried with me. She came up to care for me and was simply mom and I was daughter.

28 years later. She is still Mom. 

Someday this little guy might be a giant Eastern European Man. I will still be his Mom and he will be my son. How will that look? 
Faith.

I do understand the concerns and question as this was a huge "word bomb" we exploded on everyone. I hear you. I respect you. 

My Response:

1. PRAY. Examine the walls of your heart. Surrender it all over. ASK GOD to speak in your 
     heart. What is scaring you and why? How can God cover that fear with faith? 
2. Read Nehemiah. God does indeed still speak- and how did Nehemiah decide God placed
    this on his heart? How did he respond? What amazing things did he accomplish? 
3. Research Down Syndrome. We really do not know the extent of his delays but we have 
    been told that  to the best of their knowledge THE ONLY THING MEDICALLY DIFFERENT 
    ABOUT THIS  CHILD IS ONE EXTRA CHROMOSOME. What does that mean? I think you 
   will be surprised to find that it is not as scary as it looks.  
3. Encourage us. I am calling it the Double T. We are THRILLED and TERRIFIED. God has 
   already  placed some friends in my life that have uplifted me over the last week in a way that I  
   know was Spirit led.  Will you also let the Spirit use you to encourage us?
4. Be excited. You are now Grandparents. Aunts. Uncles. Life-long partners and Friends in this
    celebration of life. This is going to be AWESOME. Even during the heartbreak. Because 
   God's glory is going to be shown in this step of faith no matter what happens- and it is 
   HUMBLING and EXCITING that we get to be a part of that.

And then, when you are ready, pray for this child. He needs someone to pick him up NOW and when he cries at night he needs someone to cuddle. Join me in praying God send a person to be his designated cuddler until I can take over that role. Pray for us, that God shapes my heart into a heart of a mother. That God guides Hubs in all these decisions and gives him wisdom and patience at every turn. For protection and wisdom and FAITH. 

Several months ago I stated "Because I know my life will never be: unfruitful, unproductive, sterile, barren, or exhausted.  Jesus whispers something else to me the morning after: I have come that they may have life,and have it to the full."

THIS IS LIFE TO THE FULL!

Here Comes the Sun

Sure, I can blame the all the concussions from soccer, or maybe I need to be taking Ginkgo on a daily basis, but I struggle to remember events, days, ok even years! I am not talking about I can't remember my 4 yr old birthday. This is as big as I cannot remember the day I met my sister-in-law for the first time 6 years ago, getting my driver's license at 16, or even what I did for New Years in 2011! I feel very left out during those: "Let's Reminisce" moments with friends and family. I always awkwardly ask, "oh was I there" and then every one stares at me like I am an alcoholic.

I am not one for resolutions or reflections. They make me feel like I am trying to hard. But maybe I need to spend a little time reflecting over the year so that at the dinner table Dec 31, 2013, I can laugh while people share memories of the year because I will have these memories too.

The problem with reflections of 2012 is it has a one dark cloud  that is shadowing over some wonderful experiences that I feel I can no longer enjoy to the fullest. 

I will never again have the first-time-to-find-out-your-pregnant moment.

And IT WAS GREAT!

I want to remember that.

I want to remember roaming around my house bewildered and overcome, screaming "I'm pregnant!" in every room because I simply did not know what to do with my self.

I want to remember calling my husband at work, trying to play it cool and asking him to try to come home early for dinner. (He could tell immediately and left work right away! I never am good at playing it cool :))

I want to remember lying on the bed together- thinking- We Did it! Your Sperm- My Egg! And crying out to God in thanksgiving and begging for guidance.

I want to remember hearing my mom on the phone almost pass out from the news- super glad she wasn't driving-and hearing my dad choke back tears and trying to whisper in the courthouse where he worked.

I want to remember my in-laws opening their present with a onesie inside and looking at us with confused and excited faces and shouting- "I knew it".

I want to remember the first time I threw up at work and called my mom because I was excited to get to experience morning sickness and then calling my mom after a weeks of throwing up at working, crying because I was experiencing morning sickness.

How precious and perfect are these memories and I don't want to forget them and I refuse to let them be robbed from me because of the circumstances.

Hubs and I are selfishly celebrating our 6 year anniversary in St. Thomas. What-What! So roll on dark cloud! I plan to reflect, resolve, and move into 2013 filled with strength and joy and I am excited to see what happens next. 

To the mamas

To the mama's:
http://www.incourage.me/2012/05/what-we-wish-we-could-tell-you-mamas.html



To my mama:
You are loved!  All I wanted to do all day was give you a big hug and make sure you know this.

Baby Austin

With this down time on Spring Break I thought I might add some old posts that I never published:

Baby A is here!

Melissa texted me yesterday that she was going to the hospital...... My heart was a little nervous since it was a month early but I should have known better than to fret! Melissa did amazing!

I received the most beautiful picture of a handsome baby boy at around 10:40!

Congrats to my dear pals Will and Mel!

09/07/2010