Do remember me

A couple weeks ago Little Man and I were cruising into town to go to RISE and jamming to our usual PAGE CXVI, in hopes that it would lull him into a deep travel slumber. Instead it was me that got lulled into a deep travel sob. One of the lullabies was Do, Lord an old hymn. Tears leaked from my eyes and stuck to my cheeks as the song words swirled throughout the car begging to be remembered.

Do you remember me?

Have I been forgotten?

Infertility has the trick of making you feel broken. Lying to you that the reason you can't get/stay pregnant is that you are broken and God does not want to fix you. You have been forgotten. I laid on the couch at nearing the end of my first trimester and already on bed rest with a subchorionic hemorrhage. We were not of to a good start. A group of friends gathered around and "laid hands" on me to pray for me and baby. This is awkward for me. The denomination I grew up in did not do this much. I feel silly. I doubt. I am cynical. I wonder. And in that moment I desperately searched my heart and genuinely asked God to help me overcome my disbelief, begging him to remember me.

That night I miscarried.

Do you remember me?

"O God my rock," I cry, "Why have you forgotten me? Why must I wander around in grief, oppressed by my enemies?"

Thanks David for finding the right words. Here I am, wandering around in grief and oppressed by my damn old ovaries! Betrayed by my own body and mind, acting as my oppressors. 

If there was one thing I would say to someone wandering around in similar grief:

YOU ARE NOT FORGOTTEN

God loves you. AS IS. Do no let infertility whisper this lie to you anymore. The answer is 100% yes.

 He remembers you. 

He is the rock you can stand on during this whole journey. He is the one that will remind you of your great purpose and worth with or without pregnancy. He is the one that will redeem your infertility and make it into a story about him pursuing YOU to be a part of his kingdom.
I have been there sister, loved by God. I know the darkness and distrust that can take root. I began to not trust God. Not trust him with my prayers. I began to fear the worse. I needed to be reminded and then I stumbled across this video:

How the D's do infertile - Part 2

What to do with infertility?

Where is "How the D's do infertile Part 1?" you ask. Come on guys- you know this story- we ended up in the Ukraine!! 

I meet with my doctor next week to reconsider our options. I am very unsure about what to do next. I am very nervous about getting pregnant again. I want it but then I don't.  During this last pregnancy, I think we all felt there was no way we would lose another, not to mention it was just cliche to get pregnant right after an adoption. :) Right?!? When I think about how it all played out…….

All said positive. Fear can make you feel not so positive about it though.

Fear creeps in.

What if it happens again? 

Can I handle it?

But what is next for the D's? What to do with infertility?

When we finally (it sure is embarrassing how long it took) asked God what we should do about it last year we were given a clear answer to adopt. Now I am waiting for another answer. 

It is so simple to try and label infertility as bad. Cause it SUCKS. While reading "Anything" by Jennie Allen, I came across a story of a young lady who has been given more the her fair share of what the world would label bad (abandonment, disappointments, abuse, etc) and her response:

"You have to thank God for the seemingly good and the seemingly bad because really, you don't know the difference."

I can relate to that. While this now 4 year journey has left me with many days and nights of tears and confusion it also has brought me incredible moments of truth and clarity. Truth about God's love for the Hubs and I. Truth about His Glory. Truth that is seen in little man every day. I don't know if Infertility is good but I have seen how God can redeem it to be good. 

Can I trust God with my infertility?

I am trying. 

Please prayer for our family as we once again hand over this issue and pray God uses it to bring Him glory. Who knows where the D family will end up this time?!?! 

Truth moment #1029: First family photo in the Ukraine.
Struggling with identity and worth…. {BUT THEN GOD}….. Now calm in His calling and love.

Walk Freely

Sometimes it confuses me, you know. There is this fine line I try to tiptoe along, arms stretched out from my side, wobbling back and forth. When I finally start to feel my footing secure, confident in who I am, who God calls me to be and what God is doing through me; suddenly I lean back the other way, squirming unbalanced between worried I am arrogant, then almost falling off altogether by the weight of disbelief in myself. (Which really is a disbelief in something/someone bigger, right?)

My struggle with insecurity and self-esteem is no secret.
Amazing Grace. It is true it is amazing. The whole point is that we didn't deserve it, we didn't earn it, God gave it.  This is the truth BUT that is not the end of the story.

HE CHOSE YOU. He believes in you enough to send his Holy Spirit to live inside of you. He calls you his daughter.

He believes in you. You were created to be you. When we come into the kingdom (or insert whatever over-used christian culture cliche here you prefer) He doesn't say: Well thats good cuz you were junk before….
HE says HALLELUJAH!  I created her. I loved her before. I love her still.  I love her always.

He made you unique. With such purpose. WITH SUCH LOVE.

I think sometimes
sometimes
We dwell in this realm of broken. We get stuck at the "we are all sinners" camp site and set up camp making us some burnt marshmallows wishing we could do more. Giving cynical judgmental stares at the women and men out doing "BIG" things. We linger around acting like we don't deserve more. We forget to move forward to rest in the peace that He thinks we do.

Grace. We don't deserve it. We cannot earn it. This is suppose to be liberating. It is for FREEDOM that Christ set us free. Not to feel in chained by grace or darkness. By a before or the after.  When the after is not all rainbows and unicorns we tend to question the authenticity of our encounter that brought us out of the before.

Grace is not a one time event. It cannot be confined or defined in before and after parameters. This kind of love, this remarkable grace, cannot be contained.
It sets us FREE.

Oh to embrace the freedom of grace. We are free to be the unique and wonderful daughters of the KING.

Not arrogantly, but confidently walking. Walking through our stories. My story includes a journey of faith.  Some days I still struggle with this walk. With my story. With my faith.
Yet I am set free. I am free to be me in the fullest way. He chose me. He loves me.
Balanced.
He steadies my tittering as I walk along. He reminds me I need not stretch out my arms side to side- an inefficacious reach to steady myself. I can stretch my arms high, waving in praise and redemption. Confident to walk freely in who He made me and in what He calls me to.

He loves you AS IS. That's not arrogant. Because THAT IS FOR EVERYONE! That is for YOU!


(Shout out to my son who is reminding me about being loved AS IS daily. Woot Woot Little Man)

The chapter: Recurring Loss

Blogging about infertility can mean, from time to time, the less jovial post.

This last month we drifted out of the waters of infertility and into the vast ocean of recurring loss.

Infertility can keep you wearingly treading to keep your chin above the waters of insecurity.

 Recurring Loss simply drowns you in grief. 

Infertility is struggle to get pregnant, recurring loss is the struggle to stay pregnant.

Many ask if it hurts less with a child at home or does it hurt less with each time. (These are legitimate questions- I like and understand why you ask- always ask rather than assume).

After hearing the news of the loss, I got to go home a see a family that remains precious AS IS. Any further additions will be welcomed with joy and praise and still my heart is currently complete with my spectacular family of three. I am so overwhelmed with thankfulness for Little Man that I do not as quickly feel forgotten my God as I did times before. He brought together a beautiful family. He redeemed my broken body by using it to guide us on a journey to meet the most incredible little boy- and in his grace I got to take this little boy home and call him MINE. This journey led my Hubs and I to place our worth and identity in God alone. A lesson difficult but amazing to learn. That said……..

"Does it hurt less with little man home?"

I smile a little and lie a little. The real answer seems too harsh to say out loud.

"Yeah, it hurts less."

But the truth is…..

One day there is a heart beating inside you. The next day that life is gone.

One day hope pulsates within of you. The next day that hope is gone.

Not a lot makes that hurt less, maybe just hurts differently.

For those who keep trying to conceive (Or have conceived) after recurring loss, what are ways you stay encouraged to keep trying? What resources, books, songs or scriptures keep you uplifted?

Would you consider sharing your story as a resource for those just starting this new chapter of our story?

It's nice to meet you.

Nov. 15-

We woke up knowing we were most likely not going to the orphanage today. We were told we would have to wait till Monday. What they said made sense logically, but emotionally, "Can I just meet my son already people?!?!"
We had our DAP referral appointment the day before and it was pretty much uneventful. We sat on a couch and found out our little man's birth name and his legal diagnosis. Nothing more. We had brought a copy of his listing picture to swap out with the baby picture stapled to his legal packet. Serge quickly ripped it off and stuffed the new one in his folder when the referral lady walked out of the room.


Today, the plan was to pick up our official legal referral for Little Buddy at one building at 3 pm, fill out some more paperwork, get that paperwork notarized and bring it back to the original DAP building. This process and traffic would mean not making the hour long trip out to the orphanage in time. BUMMER.

Our facilitator call at 2 pm and said she was sending a taxi our way to get us because she was rushing to try to finish all the paperwork herself and (no promises) try to get us out to the orphanage today!
TODAY!
I tried not to get too excited.
"Can we call our parents? Should I post it on our Facebook page?'  The hubs was already celebrating and wanted to share the update.
My thoughts quickly turn to our miscarriage, to losing our first referral for Octavian, to three years of infertility. The pain of sharing news too soon.
No. Don't share yet- it might not happen. 
I know disappointment all to well, I do not plan out encountering it here. I refuse to get carried away too soon this time.
We get the paperwork notarized, picked up the official referral and hop in our facilitator's Nissan Milano to head to the orphanage.
"How 'bout now, Can I tell people we are on our way to meet him?" 
A sea of red break lights in front of us. Traffic.
No. Don't Share yet- it might not happen. 
Traffic was horrible.  My brain keeps reminding my heart- it's not going to happen. Don't get disappointed. Our facilitator tells us she has called the assistant director of the orphanage who has gone home for they day (I knew it)
BUT…. She is going to meet us back up there whenever we arrive so we can meet our son!
The breath is sucked out of me. Is the really going to happen?
No. Don't Share yet…... but maybe…. could this happen?
At 5 pm we pull into a spot across from the orphanage and walk through the green gate up the path and through the door.
My heart now told my brain-
SHUT UP! THIS IS HAPPENING!
We go upstairs and meet a sweet assistant orphanage director who directs us to take off our coats and sit down. She runs back down the stairs. I cannot sit. I pace. I awkwardly dance. I hug our facilitator and make weird laughing noises.

So thankful for our facilitator! We love her!

I obviously at this point, no longer know what to do with myself.

She walked in with a little wide-eyed blue bundle and placed him in my arms. 

He looked into my eyes and I was done. Screw Disappointment. I'm all in!

It could all go wrong. We might not pass court. International adoptions have risks. There are reasons to fear.  A life long lesson in parenting a child with special needs lies ahead. A lesson in parenting in general.

But here in this moment, was no fear, just love.

This snuggle, this snuggle right here, this is where the truth sunk in that God is working things together for good, that He has plans to give me hope and a future. I was sitting there holding that hope and future in my arms. Forgive me Lord for my persistent disbelief in that promise. Thank you for walking me through my disbelief and for the grace to take me on this journey in spite of it.

How we got assigned Officer Jack Bauer

The only logical explanation: It must have been Jack Bauer working on our immigration case.


WE GOT USCIS APPROVAL. Our officer CALLED ME this morning to tell me the news.

A process that I was told, on more than one occasion, by several USCIS employees, should take 75 days.

24 hours. Jack Bauer style. 

Although he sounded pretty much like a woman and told me a different name. Which was kind of confusing...... but I knew it was him. He is sneaky like that.

At first I said I had no words, but then I realized I haven't shut up about this news all morning. Evidently I have lots of words.  The next question everyone is asking: What does this mean, Carly..... What's next?

A season of waiting.
We wait to hear the words that we have been officially submitted. This could happen sometime in the next two weeks.  We have been sending over our dossier in bits and pieces so that the team there could work on them and translate them. They will have 5 pieces of paper to add now and then they will take all of my paper baby to the court.
We wait to hear our Court Date or Travel Date.  This is the long wait. After being submitted it usually takes 7-11 weeks to find out your court date.  The Court date is usually 2-4 weeks later.
To simplify: We might be traveling in about 13-15 weeks.
So this means I should start looking for winter coats......

Also, credit where credit is due. 24 hours = God's handiwork. That has His name all over it. He must have stirred Jack Bauer's heart to get involved.

Fat locusts

I feel like the locust are eating everything!! "Get full and swarm on all ready you guys", I whine at night.
People keep encouraging me that soon Baby D will be in my arms. I will feel like everything went crazy fast and we will have the rest of our lives to catch up.
True and encouraging.
But still.

Then I read another book. While they are great in helping me prepare and making me a knowledgeable mamma bear that can advocate for my child, they also elicit a response of fear.
They propose that in DS the first couple years are the most critical.... oh no.
They suggest that the longer a child is institutionalized the more difficult attachment can be..... oh dear.
In  response I shout: WE HAVE TO HURRY!
But this is a process and we can only go so fast.
The LOCUSTS keep eating.

God keeps settling my fears. Whatever these fat locusts keep chopping away at God is going to restore.
Soon this empty room will be filled with a crib, toys, books, a chair, and A CHILD.

God can take care of the destroyed fields those short-horned flying grasshoppers leave behind. He promises to restore the missing time, however long.

Praying for the faith to believe that promise.

Unless

Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not.

Dr. Seuss, The Lorax

VS




What a difference Love and Support makes.
UNLESS.
Well, I care an awful lot.


Come on Home Study. 2 weeks today. I am hoping our social worker sends us a draft to read over next week.  Our state side facilitator can then proof it and if it looks good.......


AUSTIN. First we have to get the home study apostilled. Then it is goes to the USCIS.

Then we WAIT AGAIN. boo. We wait for the USCIS to approve everything and schedule us a finger printing appointment. (Sadly this process as been taking longer than usual. One persistent mamma recently kept on receiving delays so she had her senator write a letter on her behalf to speed it along. I am willing to resort to similar tactics if necessary)

Then we send  that approval and home study across the ocean, to Baby D's home land, and wait for them to announce our court/travel dates.

I really would like to celebrate Christmas with my baby. Like A WHOLE AWFUL LOT.

Warm fuzzy feelings thinking about that---Christmas with my baby.  Dwelling there a moment.

Still Dwelling.

Buying the field

"The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field."

I found it. And it is confusing, and a little much for some to watch because for the FIRST TIME EVER, I am truly willing to joyfully sell everything and buy the field.

First time?! 

For years I have been approaching God with my first held tight to certain areas of my life. I knew that if I really had an honest conversation with Him, He would ask me about them. 

"What'cha got there?" 

So I limited the chatter. We could have a quick chat at church. I could drop Him a Thank You here and there. Maybe discuss a sick kid I was taking care at work or sing some praise songs, but I was careful what topics we approached. Songs or whispers about surrendering everything made me uncomfortable  Lifting hands high, proclaiming Him King got me nervous. He could wreck shop. I have read Irresistible Revolution and Radical. I know what happens to people who say things like that.  

What would my life look like? 

Deep down, I knew it would look different.

Saying Yes to this adoption started the conversation up again. I am loosening my grip and letting him peek at the treasures clinched in my fist.  I mean, really he knew what was there all along right.

What I have found was unexpected. I now say "I surrender all" and then not only expect him to wreck shop, but desperately want him to.  I did not understand before. When you find the Kingdom of heaven you buy the whole field and YOU WANT TO. This is not driven by guilt or fear of what He expects of me. It is driven by the JOY of finding the treasure in the field in first place. 

Can I get a little mmmhhhhhmmmm... AMEN!?

I am buying the field.  It is going to marvelously wreck our lives. 

Closer.

My Paper Baby made it across the pond and is now in the correct hands in the country where my Human Baby waits. Get Excited!

We now our waiting for the social worker to write up the Home Study (2-3 weeks) and then we will submit to the USCIS for US immigration (can take up to 75 days). Once we get that green light we submit Home Study and USCIS approval to our baby's country and wait for travel dates.

Closer.

Baby D's freshly painted closet. It is ready to be stocked up  with Baby D essentials.

This is life to the Full.

Image via Holly Gerth 

Every morning since we made this decision I wake up EXCITED! 

I don't know if it is because I know OUR BABY is out there already or if it is because we are now answering 'yes' when God puts something on our hearts.

But like the Hubs asked, "Why can't it be both?"

Stepping out on Faith.
Family and friends have questions and concerns. I  respect that. That shows me you care and have a heart for me that you don't want to get hurt. I AM GRATEFUL. You guys have a heart that hurts when Jon and I  get hurt.
I have been called to be the heart that will hurt for this little peanut.
I AM HONORED!
Parenting hurts. It is full of risk. Any way you try to slice this apple, heartbreak is inevitable.
And then there is blessing.
Faith.
We did not make this decision thinking- "We are hopeless, we want a child, We... We.... We...."
But rather this was about one thing only:
God put it on our heart.
We inquired about some orphaned children in Eastern Europe with Down Syndrome and we wept. Literally.
And like Nehemiah we prayed that God forgive us our sins and grant us success to help be part of their story of rescue and redemption.
Also like ole Nehemiah we did not tell many people what God put on our heart (Nehemiah 2:12) while we examined the remaining walls. Not just the facts of the situation, children, or agency but more importantly the walls of our heart. We started really listening. AND THE SPIRIT KEPT TALKING. This is where I apologize if you felt left out. We had to pray and answer this calling before we made a decision to tell everyone.

There is a chance we could get burned. There is a chance I will call my mom with a broken heart during this process.And yes,this is a life long change. Let's be honest, this is also an inevitable fact of parenting. When I called my mom broken, 28 years after she brought me home as a baby, and told her I lost my baby, she hurt. She cried with me. She came up to care for me and was simply mom and I was daughter.

28 years later. She is still Mom. 

Someday this little guy might be a giant Eastern European Man. I will still be his Mom and he will be my son. How will that look? 
Faith.

I do understand the concerns and question as this was a huge "word bomb" we exploded on everyone. I hear you. I respect you. 

My Response:

1. PRAY. Examine the walls of your heart. Surrender it all over. ASK GOD to speak in your 
     heart. What is scaring you and why? How can God cover that fear with faith? 
2. Read Nehemiah. God does indeed still speak- and how did Nehemiah decide God placed
    this on his heart? How did he respond? What amazing things did he accomplish? 
3. Research Down Syndrome. We really do not know the extent of his delays but we have 
    been told that  to the best of their knowledge THE ONLY THING MEDICALLY DIFFERENT 
    ABOUT THIS  CHILD IS ONE EXTRA CHROMOSOME. What does that mean? I think you 
   will be surprised to find that it is not as scary as it looks.  
3. Encourage us. I am calling it the Double T. We are THRILLED and TERRIFIED. God has 
   already  placed some friends in my life that have uplifted me over the last week in a way that I  
   know was Spirit led.  Will you also let the Spirit use you to encourage us?
4. Be excited. You are now Grandparents. Aunts. Uncles. Life-long partners and Friends in this
    celebration of life. This is going to be AWESOME. Even during the heartbreak. Because 
   God's glory is going to be shown in this step of faith no matter what happens- and it is 
   HUMBLING and EXCITING that we get to be a part of that.

And then, when you are ready, pray for this child. He needs someone to pick him up NOW and when he cries at night he needs someone to cuddle. Join me in praying God send a person to be his designated cuddler until I can take over that role. Pray for us, that God shapes my heart into a heart of a mother. That God guides Hubs in all these decisions and gives him wisdom and patience at every turn. For protection and wisdom and FAITH. 

Several months ago I stated "Because I know my life will never be: unfruitful, unproductive, sterile, barren, or exhausted.  Jesus whispers something else to me the morning after: I have come that they may have life,and have it to the full."

THIS IS LIFE TO THE FULL!

The love of Christ

I test it.

I jump far

too wide

climb strong

too high

run faster

too long

fall hard

and it’s deep.

Raise my hand high

stretch out on my tip toes

I feel it brush the tips of my outstretched fingers

I lose my balance.

Knowledge, my expected companion, has tripped me.

My mind manipulates, calculates.

But it surpasses

Dangling from the branch

Grasp it.

Requires strength

Sink my teeth

sweet juice spills from my mouth

Be full.

May you have power, together with the entire Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Ephesians 3:18

what should we call it

Infertility
I googled a synonym for it and  the other options are worse. Trust me on this.... don't do it. So what do we call it.
I almost put a question mark at the end of that word. I simply do not think it fits. By medical definition, it just might. After two years, this word is started to creepity creep its way into my mind but somewhere along the way I have adopted an attitude that this label is not me/us.
"I am young. I've got time. I'm in grad school still. The timing actually might not have worked out right anyway. Some people have struggled even longer."
While the above statements are indeed truth. The underlying secret is for about one week EVERY month for TWO years I get excited that I might be pregnant. (of course, this excludes the months I was actually pregnant). When will a girl learn this is not a good idea?
This can make anyone start to tiptoe the line of insanity.
So what should we call this...........Process.
I have never blogged about this before. But after such positive feedback (hey thanks for that) from the last post I decided to brave forward.
I don't think I am there yet. Don't mistake my optimism for fraud. I still cried yesterday on our "Not this Month" date night of sushi, mango mojitos, and coffee; but I feel in my gut that there is a plan for the hubs and I. The day after the day I realize I'm not pregnant God fills me with renewed energy and excitement about the days ahead.  And while my mom and mom-in-law will hate this statement, the energy is not from the faith that I will get pregnant. I do not feel God has promised me that. It lies in this idea that if I never get pregnant; I can still be/do incredible things for the kingdom. Maybe even more than if I get pregnant.....
Which is why I will not call it infertility. Because I know my life will never be: unfruitful, unproductive, sterile, barren, or exhausted.  Jesus whispers something else to me the morning after:
I have come that they may have life,and have it to the full.

Here Comes the Sun

Sure, I can blame the all the concussions from soccer, or maybe I need to be taking Ginkgo on a daily basis, but I struggle to remember events, days, ok even years! I am not talking about I can't remember my 4 yr old birthday. This is as big as I cannot remember the day I met my sister-in-law for the first time 6 years ago, getting my driver's license at 16, or even what I did for New Years in 2011! I feel very left out during those: "Let's Reminisce" moments with friends and family. I always awkwardly ask, "oh was I there" and then every one stares at me like I am an alcoholic.

I am not one for resolutions or reflections. They make me feel like I am trying to hard. But maybe I need to spend a little time reflecting over the year so that at the dinner table Dec 31, 2013, I can laugh while people share memories of the year because I will have these memories too.

The problem with reflections of 2012 is it has a one dark cloud  that is shadowing over some wonderful experiences that I feel I can no longer enjoy to the fullest. 

I will never again have the first-time-to-find-out-your-pregnant moment.

And IT WAS GREAT!

I want to remember that.

I want to remember roaming around my house bewildered and overcome, screaming "I'm pregnant!" in every room because I simply did not know what to do with my self.

I want to remember calling my husband at work, trying to play it cool and asking him to try to come home early for dinner. (He could tell immediately and left work right away! I never am good at playing it cool :))

I want to remember lying on the bed together- thinking- We Did it! Your Sperm- My Egg! And crying out to God in thanksgiving and begging for guidance.

I want to remember hearing my mom on the phone almost pass out from the news- super glad she wasn't driving-and hearing my dad choke back tears and trying to whisper in the courthouse where he worked.

I want to remember my in-laws opening their present with a onesie inside and looking at us with confused and excited faces and shouting- "I knew it".

I want to remember the first time I threw up at work and called my mom because I was excited to get to experience morning sickness and then calling my mom after a weeks of throwing up at working, crying because I was experiencing morning sickness.

How precious and perfect are these memories and I don't want to forget them and I refuse to let them be robbed from me because of the circumstances.

Hubs and I are selfishly celebrating our 6 year anniversary in St. Thomas. What-What! So roll on dark cloud! I plan to reflect, resolve, and move into 2013 filled with strength and joy and I am excited to see what happens next. 

To the mamas

To the mama's:
http://www.incourage.me/2012/05/what-we-wish-we-could-tell-you-mamas.html



To my mama:
You are loved!  All I wanted to do all day was give you a big hug and make sure you know this.

Can you pull in Leviathan with a fishhook

Can you pull in the Leviathan with a fishhook?
I get to take care of some of the CUTEST kiddos! I was lucky enough to spend valentines day with TWO sweet little valentines all day long. When I give my heart to my job I realize it also sometimes brings the breaking of my heart. Something I pray I do not become hardened to.
The strength these families show in the midst of such adversity! I am impressed and in awe. With Shane and Shane jammin in their baby's crib, I prayed that God would continue to supply them with strength, love, and patience.
I never really like the way that God seemed to belittle Job, and called him out. It felt kind of harsh.  Job was facing an unreal amount of heartache and was simply looking for an answer. I am continually doing this. Seeking God for some sort of answer for disease and heartache I see everyday.
Maybe God was not trying to say "Who do you think you are?"
Maybe it was more of a reminder of "Who do you think I am?"
Hey Job, look at all the stuff that I can do, and that I take care of. I can take this crazy Leviathan and put a ring in its nose and make it a pet. I can tackle giant enormous overwhelming obstacles bigger than that ole Behemoth. Everything under heaven belongs to me! You are not responsible. You do not have to carry THE BURDEN of responsibility here. It is mine. It is bigger than you. It is mine. And I can do it!
What a relief.
Thankfully my God can pull in the Leviathan with a fishhook.

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Job+40&version=NIV

Introducing: Shallow Small Groups