Monday, January 28, 2013
what should we call it
I googled a synonym for it and the other options are worse. Trust me on this.... don't do it. So what do we call it.
I almost put a question mark at the end of that word. I simply do not think it fits. By medical definition, it just might. After two years, this word is started to creepity creep its way into my mind but somewhere along the way I have adopted an attitude that this label is not me/us.
"I am young. I've got time. I'm in grad school still. The timing actually might not have worked out right anyway. Some people have struggled even longer."
While the above statements are indeed truth. The underlying secret is for about one week EVERY month for TWO years I get excited that I might be pregnant. (of course, this excludes the months I was actually pregnant). When will a girl learn this is not a good idea?
This can make anyone start to tiptoe the line of insanity.
So what should we call this...........Process.
I have never blogged about this before. But after such positive feedback (hey thanks for that) from the last post I decided to brave forward.
I don't think I am there yet. Don't mistake my optimism for fraud. I still cried yesterday on our "Not this Month" date night of sushi, mango mojitos, and coffee; but I feel in my gut that there is a plan for the hubs and I. The day after the day I realize I'm not pregnant God fills me with renewed energy and excitement about the days ahead. And while my mom and mom-in-law will hate this statement, the energy is not from the faith that I will get pregnant. I do not feel God has promised me that. It lies in this idea that if I never get pregnant; I can still be/do incredible things for the kingdom. Maybe even more than if I get pregnant.....
Which is why I will not call it infertility. Because I know my life will never be: unfruitful, unproductive, sterile, barren, or exhausted. Jesus whispers something else to me the morning after:
I have come that they may have life,and have it to the full.