I found it. And it is confusing, and a little much for some to watch because for the FIRST TIME EVER, I am truly willing to joyfully sell everything and buy the field.
For years I have been approaching God with my first held tight to certain areas of my life. I knew that if I really had an honest conversation with Him, He would ask me about them.
"What'cha got there?"
So I limited the chatter. We could have a quick chat at church. I could drop Him a Thank You here and there. Maybe discuss a sick kid I was taking care at work or sing some praise songs, but I was careful what topics we approached. Songs or whispers about surrendering everything made me uncomfortable Lifting hands high, proclaiming Him King got me nervous. He could wreck shop. I have read Irresistible Revolution and Radical. I know what happens to people who say things like that.
What would my life look like?
Deep down, I knew it would look different.
Saying Yes to this adoption started the conversation up again. I am loosening my grip and letting him peek at the treasures clinched in my fist. I mean, really he knew what was there all along right.
What I have found was unexpected. I now say "I surrender all" and then not only expect him to wreck shop, but desperately want him to. I did not understand before. When you find the Kingdom of heaven you buy the whole field and YOU WANT TO. This is not driven by guilt or fear of what He expects of me. It is driven by the JOY of finding the treasure in the field in first place.
Can I get a little mmmhhhhhmmmm... AMEN!?
I am buying the field. It is going to marvelously wreck our lives.